(Source: thelunarkid)
Don’t Read This Please
I miss myself … I miss being me, the me in early 2012 …
Back then I cleaned myself … I was finally on a road I liked … I wanted to study and study alone, I had goals and my goals were perfect, I wanted to finish my shit in Malaysia and head to Netherlands and live a perfectly happy life with the beauty of being clean and alright.
Shit happened and if you know me you know what I’m talking about, she came into my life, she changed everything, correction, I changed everything because of her, I wanted her to be my new goal. Shit happened and I changed, he came into my life, he beat me up and left me there thinking what the fuck should I do, even then I stayed, I thought she was really my goal, I lied to everyone that I wanted Canada because I thought she’d be there. Things changed, I started it again cause I couldn’t take it, I started it off … so much abuse of substance … I fucked myself over and over again cause she was my goal. Story went on and I was convinced that it’s gonna go on this way. She left and so did I, our friendship, everything was gone.
That’s when it just got worse … I fucked around … ME … I FUCKED AROUND … I slept with god knows how many … I started on morphine again … alcohol was my best friend … Hani was dragging me to shitloads of new stuff and I was there … always there to try something new to get dankyfucked … it was fun … it was really dark, but I liked it.
Till I met A., she wanted the clean Siavash, I could never give it to her. Our relationship didn’t go the right way and I don’t regret it … I’m over all of them, X. C. A. … all of my so called serious relationships … I’m really glad I’m over with them … but why did it have to trigger me … into going back to the me I was … why did it change me and brought the fucked up me back again …
This fucking question will never be answered … I’m scared if I will go any further …
